James' Pickup Line Extravaganza
by Scarlett Salmagundi
Summary: James tries out his very best lines, only to have them rejected by the beautiful Lily


Author's note: Hi there,  
This is a little something I wrote ages ago and have finally uploaded! 

Warnings: None I can think off

Dislcaimer: None of the characters mentioned are mine. They all belong to J.K. Rowling and whatever companies/ people else own the rights.

* * *

"Lily dearest?"

"Yes James?"

"Life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless"

"I have a pencil sharpener if you want." *gives sharpener*

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Lil, if looks could kill you would be a weapon of mass destruction."

"Yeah and I'd kill you first."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I may not be a genie but I can make your dreams come true."

"Really? You're leaving then James?"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

"Aha, I'd put F with U."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'm like chocolate pudding, I look like crap but im as sweet as can be."

"Happy you realized!"

"What, that I'm sweat?"

"No, that you look like crap."

"Hey, that _hurt_!"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'm invisible."

"Right I know James. You have your cloak on."

"W-what? Oh" *takes cloak off* "You were supposed to say 'Really?'"

"Oh, did I blow your thing?"

"Nope, but you can if you want"

"Ugh. Go die James."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"You can fall off a building, you can fall out a tree, but baby, the best way to fall is in love with me."

"Eh, I think I'll fall out the tree."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you."

"I have never had a nightmare come true until the day I met you."

"Liiiily, that's mean"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So wanna go out?"

"If I say no, will you get a rash, hyperventilate and die?"

"Umm… I guess."

"Okay then. NO, NO, NO, NO!"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no."

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No." *Snickers*

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I hope your day is as radiant as your smile."

"It was until you came and I started scowling."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Your eyes are as green as my toilet water at home."

"WHAT the HELL James? Did Sirius give you that line?"

" Yep."

"I could kiss him sometimes."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I must be a snowflake, 'cuz I've fallen for you."

"James, its _JUNE_. It doesn't snow in JUNE."

"Oh."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"What has 142 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My zipper."

"I really needed to know that… anyway, were _is_ your incredible hulk? I can't say I thought you'd have the utensils needed."

"Ow Lily, of course I have them. Want me to prove it?"

"… go away."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Roses are red, violets are blue, how would you like it if I came home with you?"

"James, we are home."

"Yeah, I know…"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?"

"What does it feel like to be the most ugly guy in this room?"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"You got something on your chest: my eyes"

"No James, it's called a bra."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"You know what? Your eyes are the same color as my Porsche."

"James, you don't HAVE a Porsche."

"Fine, Broomstick, whatever."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you."

"Didn't you fall because you got tripped in the stairs by Sirius?"

"Hmm, yeah that too."

"He. Hehe."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Is your last name Gillette cause you're the best a man can get."

"No, my name is Lily but I'm still the best a man can get." *Smirks*

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Is this seat empty?"

"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Did it hurt when you fell out of heaven?"

"Not nearly as badly as when you broke through earth's crust assending from hell."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Do you have a map, I got lost in your eyes."

"I actually do, you know, the marauder's map… want it back?"

"Wait, YOU have it? I thought I lost it! How did you get it?"

"I asked Remus…"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night."

"Not near as tired as when I'll be through running away from you."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'm a photographer and I've been looking for a face like yours."

"I'm a plastic surgeon and I've been looking for a face like yours."

OxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"James, JAMES!"

"What?"

"Do you know what'd look good on you? Me."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Maybe…"

* * *

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

"James, honey, I've been seeing you every day for the last several years, isn't it a bit to late?"

"Yeah… might be."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"If I followed you home, would you keep me?"

"Nope, I'd call you a stalker and hex you."

"Oh."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?"

"No, they hurt from running away from you all day."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"What do you and the weather have in common? You're both Hot!"

"James, its raining."

"Pssht ignore that, pretend it's sunny."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I would die a million deaths if it meant I could be with you!"

"Wanna start now?"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Bond...James Bond"

"I thought you were a Potter, James… looks like I was wrong."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Are you an overdue book? Because you've got FINE written all over you!"

"No _Bond_ I'm not a ruddy book, I'm your _Girlfriend!_ "

"I'm not BOND! And, and… what? You're my girlfriend? Really?"

"Yeah, of course if you want me, that is…"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I have Skittles in my mouth, wanna taste the rainbow?"

"James, what the _HELL_?"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?"

"James, should I reject that nice-ly or…?"

"Nicely should do the trick."

"okay, NO WAY!"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"If I had a garden I'd put your tulips and my tulips together."

"Aww… that one is nearly cute enough to reconsider my refusal, ALMOST!"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"You might as well sleep with me because I'm going to tell everyone we did anyway!"

"If you do that, I'll hex you. A LOT. And I'll look for especially painful one."

"Uh, Oh."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Do you like bananas or blueberries? "

"What?"

"I wanna know what kind of pancakes to make in the morning."

"James, does that mean you're going to cook?"

"Nah, house elves!"

"He. Hehe."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"You have 206 bones in your body. Do you want another one?"

"What James? Did you steal Poppies Skele-gro?"

"Are you stupid?"

"Nope, just rejecting you nicely."

"Oh."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'll give you a nickel to tickle my pickle!"

"JAMES!"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Did u get that body at mcdonalds? becos 'im lovin it'."

"Really? REALLY JAMES? How do you know what Mcdonalds is?"

"Eh, I have my ways…" *Winks*

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Do you have a mirror in your pocket? cause i swear i see myself in your pants!"

"James. SHUT. UP. You are NOT getting into my pants, bed, mouth…"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

*Rubs Lily's back* "I thought angles had wings."

"Mine fell off, thanks for the compliment though!"

*pecks cheek*

"Uuuh…."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"you're as beautiful as Cinderella. I could be your fairy godmother."

"What James?"

"I can change anything with my magic stick"

"So can I James, that's what WANDS are for…"

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"Are you from SpongeBob? Because I would like to visit your Bikini Bottom."

"James….Please. If you want kisses just TELL me."

"I want kisses?"

"Forget it."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I'm not going to hit on you that wouldn't be cool and I'm not that kind of guy. See those guys over there (points at Sirius) they said I wasn't brave enough to ask a pretty girl like you for a kiss . So can you do me a favor and give me a small kiss? Please?"

"James… That was cute."

"Really?"

*Kisses*

"Yes."

XOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxOxO

"I LOST MY TEDDY BEAR, WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME?"

"You have a Teddy Bear?"

"N-no."

"HEY SIRIUS, JAMES HAS A TEDDY-BEAR!"

"NO I DON'T!"

"YOU DO!"

"NOT!"

"DO!"

"NOT!"

*Kisses*

"N-not... Wait."

*Kisses.*

* * *

End note: That's it, just a cute little Lily and James thing.  
Hope it's not too bad,  
Love, Scarlett


End file.
